Top ten things that probably glow in the dark

10-- Chicken Kiev...oops... I mean chickens from Kiev

9-- The Chernobyl wolves that dine on Kiev chickens

8-- Bats during firefly season

7-- 1950's wrist watch dials

6-- Neon -- when it gets really excited

5-- Tugtupite -- and many drab rocks from Franklin NJ

4-- The worms in that Chuck Berry Song

3-- Some Japanese horror flick monsters

2-- The headstone on Madame Curie's grave

and ( drum roll please)

1-- Fukushima Springs  Bottles water

Top ten reasons you should abandon your home

(Bonus) -- Your neighbor's raising giant wild boars And feeding them with coffee grounds

(Bonus) -- The fuzz on that gouda has taken over your attic

10 -- That creeping sinkhole in your backyard just won’t quit

9 -- Local doppler radar shows a hook echo barreling down your street

8 --You just acquired a case of shingles. And not the kind you roof with

7 -- Miley Cyrus wants to move in. Sans wardrobe . But with her entourage.

6 --Your name is  Bashar al-Assad. And cruise missiles are incoming

5 --You ratted out Whitey -- and he found it on Zillow

4 --You built over an Indian burial ground. And the natives are getting restless

3 -- Your name is Erin Hernandez and you're getting hang-up calls

2--Google Earth shows a giant crosshair mowed into your front lawn

and (drum roll please)

1 --You live in a California forest. And smell smoke.

0  -- It was designed and built by a grad of Donald Trump U.

A: Husky and Starch

Q: What was the dyslexic's fave TV show?

A: Pay Pen Pal

Q: Who wrote to Aaron Hernandez?

A: Sin-ergies

Q: Why'd the brothel and the divorce law firm merge?

A:Snow-den

Q: Where in Siberia should the Russians banish the NSA leaker?