Why did Truman run successfully against Dewey?

Because he was a former haber...dasher.

Faceplant

What's the social networking site for compulsive stumblers?

Tinker. tailor soldier, spy

What's the new movie about Mitt Romney's political ideology?

So how cold is it Johnny?

Okay it is so cold that

My olive oil sludge has to be spooned out of the can..

My running water crawls..

I can walk on water -- the ice in my toilet bowl...

I dropped some fresh raspberries out the kitchen window - they flash froze on the way down and TKO'd a deer mouse

Who was wearing ear muffs and a comforter made of puffy Costanza down..

My hair dryer now has three new settings, cold, blizzard and freeze-cojones

I have a new sundial -- a robin frozen upright in the bird bath

My icebox is feeding power back to the grid

And my digital thermometer now reads ..Uncle..

What did the doomsday coward say?

Armageddon outta here.

City and Eastern

What kind of music does an oppositional child like?

Justin Time

Who's the teen idol that got into efficient manufacturing and distribution?

Grape balls of fire

What grew in the volcano-side winery?

A jury of its pears

Who convicted the seckel of murdering the bosc?

Plutocracy

What's a rich society ruled by a troika of an archaic laxative, a dog cartoon and deposed planet?

Barcalounger

What's the chair recliner for noisy dogs?

Ottoman Empire

Where was the sofa invented?

Orangutang

What's the new citrus drink for the great apes?

Carpal tunnel

How'd the goldfish get through the mountain?

Pewter

What's the only metal with BO?

Pineapple

What do you get when you cross a Yew with a MacIntosh?

Eggplant

What's a vegan hen lay?

Odometer

How does a dummy measure bad smells?

Liquid wrench

What's the Liquid Plumber use?

Reverse rescue

What did Robert Wagner do to Natalie Wood on her last boat ride?

Irony

How did Prez Reagan greet Steve Jobs in heaven?

Fuzzy navel

What's belly button lint call its Home Sweet Home?

Donuts, Cheerios, rotelle and swiss cheeze

What is the dummy's holistic diet?

Person of Interest

What'd the loan office name his first born?

Carpe diem

What'd the dummy think was Fish of the Day?