So how cold is it Johnny?

Okay it is so cold that

My olive oil sludge has to be spooned out of the can..

My running water crawls..

I can walk on water -- the ice in my toilet bowl...

I dropped some fresh raspberries out the kitchen window - they flash froze on the way down and TKO'd a deer mouse

Who was wearing ear muffs and a comforter made of puffy Costanza down..

My hair dryer now has three new settings, cold, blizzard and freeze-cojones

I have a new sundial -- a robin frozen upright in the bird bath

My icebox is feeding power back to the grid

And my digital thermometer now reads ..Uncle..