Mideast commentary...

Okay now we know . Turns out the Iranians have been enriching uranium …for a nuclear powered metal detector. They sold it to a group of guys from Albany last week.

Now these Albanians know about as much about world oceans as the ‘Driver’ of that cruise ship that turned turtle and gave Tuscany a bad name. Call him Captain? No way. Not even “Minnie” I mean he could have at least thrown Diane Lane a life-preserver. Ya think?

Anyway, Landlubber Gang somehow doggie paddled their waterlogged way to a discovery of a little bit of sunken platinum... just a whole freighter load…just off of the coast of Cape Cod….just worth about $50 trillion.

I mean there were so many rare coins strewn off Sankaty Light that dolphins were grounding themselves in a vain attempt to get to Foxwoods. They couldn’t make it because their suitcases were laden with too much of the metal.

But now poor platinum is gonna get the Pluto treatment. You know -- the planet that got demoted to Mickey’s dog? There’ll be so much of the stuff on the market its status as a precious metal is toast. People will line their bird cage floors with platinum foil. The Olympics will award Platinum Medals to the last place finishers. The market value of Platinum ingots will plummet like a homesick worm. People will try to trade them for Greek drachmas, S&H Green stamps and Sacagawea dollars.

But not to worry. Here’s the punch line. They will be seized and used to pay off the US national debt. And the government will then put up a pure platinum satellite. The size of Jupiter.

Called Platnik.