The Sunglass Rant

Okay I just staggered sun-blind, retinally exhausted and desperate into Eddie Lambert’s financial folly. Also known as Sears. You know, what cattle muscle does when it encounters a hot gas grille. Just a nanoseconds before it converts into rank carboniferous carcinogen.

Just finished two weeks of tax hell in which the software went to new heights of creativity and artificial intelligence. Namely, an $8000 mistake against me. Which I somehow snagged. I guess there was a reason I suffered glacial epochs of doing that penance manually. I know the forms. I know when one has been tortured the wrong way (translation: against me) by hapless ones and zeroes run amuck.

But I digress. Anyway..I made the stupid mistake of facetiously saying, my kingdom for a new pair of shades. They apparently took me at my world. Because there -- seemingly levitating in suitably sartorial splendor over the display case -- was a nice thin rimmed set, polarized and all, for only….

$360.00 . Plus tax.

(Yes I know “sartorial” has to do with clothes, not eyewear. Content is always fodder for alliteration in my book.)

I say “seemingly” because for that tidy sum of just a few sheckels short of four Ben Franklins ….they should defied gravity, split the atom, fused deuterium and paid down (not “off”, mind you) the balance on my ex-es Maxxinista lay-away.

I mean, I am all for ultra-dark privacy glasses that will render you functionally sightless everywhere save the warm side of Mercury. That give you the aura of Jackie O, the charisma of ZZ-Top and the eye-chart reading capability of Mr. Magoo. You know, they are just the oh-so-koolest fashion accessory for texting while you are tooling and darting at rush hour among the 29 lanes of the Harbor Freeway at the speed of Art Arfon’s Green Monster.

(Don’t cha love the right click instant search in Chrome?)

No this rant is not over. But my attention span is…How bout those Red Sox….