Day 1.00001 – Determine they really kinda suck. Decide to try and return same to Home Depot. Liberal policy there, you know. Drive to store. Try to avoid potholes on the way. Can literally feel a pea under 25 mattresses.
Day 3 – Arrive at HD return counter. Takes that long to stagger in from parking lot. Sorry, they no can do. Have to draw the line somewhere, I guess
Day 3.5 Arrive home. Thorax is doing excellent impersonation of the heavily napalmed Vietnam war Demilitarized Zone.
Day 4 – After diligent internet search, order 2500 cases of Dr. Numb.
Day 5 – They arrive Fedex overnight
Day 6 – Run out of Dr. Numb and urgently re-order.
Day 7 – Dimly. dawning realization of what “post herpetic neuraligia” means.It does NOT mean picnic.
Day 8 – Scour neighborhood dumpsters for left over expired prescription painkillers
Day 9 – Make note to self : never ever get a tattoo
Day 10 – Ow. Ouch. Ow. Ouch
Day 11 – Ow ow. Ouch ouch. Ow ow.
Day 12 – Ow ow ow . Ouch Ouch Ouch
Day 13 – %$#@*&%^$#@
Day 14 – WTF?
Day 15 – Discover if I hang like a bat, some sleep is possible
Day 16 – Torso feels like a convention of fire ants is roaming around inside
Day 17 – Awake to today's featured presentation: Portuguese Man of War Sting ..times ten
Day 18 – Determine that suicide is preferable to this …click…bang…
Day 18.0001 – Goodbye cruel worl…..…..
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