10. You fell in lust with your quartz heater
9. There’s more road salt on your truck than the mountain at the DPW shed
8. With a snowy cap and numb blue hands, you’ve been mistaken for a Smurf
7. You have pet names for each of your snow shovels
6. You catch pneumonia on Nantucket, nightly
5. Your electric heat bill exceeds the National Debt
4. Your outbreak of goose pimples is not from excitement
3. Snow plows have turned your front yard into a topsoil pit mine
2. The Winter Wonderland song sounds a funeral dirge
and...
1. You have nightmares involving Frosty The Snowman
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