Latest Shark Tank.

(Theme music)

(VO:

Next into the Tank is a situation that the Sharks have never seem before in the history of the show.)

(Five cloaked large objects are on stage foreground, one for each Shark.  Five more are on the stage to the left side.)

Entrepreneur: 

Good evening, lady and gentlemen. Or, whatever time it is here in this aquarium!

The first thing I'm not going to tell you is my name and where I'm from. Because I don't want to take the spotlight away from you. You know there's a lot of talk these days about the separation between the rich and the average on this planet. All of you are doing your best to help that. I salute you and applaud you.

(Entrepreneur salutes and claps)

The second thing I'm not going to tell you is my "ask " for this situation. That is because it has come into being only here and now, before you. 

But I can disclose what the percentage is I'm offering. 

(Pause)

One hundred.

(Chyron insert reads;

???? for 100%)

Mr. Wonderful and fellow sharks, the next thing I can't tell you is sales. That's because this whole situation nor any part has ever ever been for sale before. To me that would have been like ripping my heart out, tearing an arm off, or throwing myself into a car crusher. Until now. And I'll get into the reasons for that in a moment, if you'd like.

If you want to know the landed cost, I have boxes and boxes of receipts, many yellowing and decades-old.  Have at it! That's because this situation began a half-century ago when I was still an undergraduate at Tufts University. It proceeded off and on from the fall of 1965. It involved California, Wisconsin Massachusetts, Ohio, Tennessee, Canada, Germany, Switzerland, England,  New York and too many more places to mention. When did the situation end? Right here and now.

So I don't want to squander more of your valuable time. Just bear with me for a few instructions. In each hand you hold a rope. I know no one can command the sharks, so upon my humble request, pull down on the rope in your left hand. But -- before we start in this case, ladies last. Laurie/Barbara/Kendra, please patiently wait.

Now gentleman pull down on the rope in your left hand.

(Gentlemen Sharks pull the left rope to lift the drain covering each object to unveil a motorcycle and gasp collectively. Some are heard to exclaim: what the heck, oh my God, and wow.)

The four motorcycles for you men Sharks unveiled are:

Mystery Sled Harley Davidson 

Silver Lightning Vincent

Feuling W3 custom 

CrossRoads Horex Imperator chopper

Entrepreneur:

Now what you have before you gentlemen, are large and powerful custom-built motorcycles. But for our lady shark, we have something special. A little more diminutive and colorful, a veritable tempest in a teapot just like her! Laurie/Barbara/Kendra, please pull your left rope. 

This  Muscular midget Zundapp Citation bobber is just for you.

(Lady Shark pulls the left rope to lift the drain covering each object to unveil a smaller motorcycle.)

Mark and fellow sharks, I understand some of you are very high on 21st century things like non-fungible tokens, block chain technology and cryptocurrency. Well the situation that is being offered to you is the ultimate answer to that. Each and every one of these vehicles is a non-fungible object. 

Each is absolutely, one of a kind, with no copies or duplications or replicas anywhere in the world. Blockchain technology is not needed to prove that. Nor can they be fungible with cryptocurrency or any other currency. Each and everyone is its own currency because each and every one is priceless. When civilization crashes and takes cryptocurrency and the blockchain with it, these object will remain priceless.

How am I able to say that? Because I created, designed and commissioned each one. I know literally every single part every single nut and bolt, every single assembly in each motorcycle. I can further speak with authority because I have been a custom motorcycle builder and photojournalist for the past 50 years. I know what I am talking about.

But let's start at the beginning.. My journey to this situation began when I was a Tufts undergraduate student. In the summer after my high school graduation in 1965 I purchased my first motorcycle. It was a semi assembled monster and a big box of parts. My parents who were scientists could not understand why I would buy such a thing but they were not worried because it did not run. However with a friend of mine named Scott France who knew about lawn mowers we were able to get it running -- barely --  in a week or so. I then went off to college and spend my spare time rebuilding and improving this motorcycle. 

So here's the thing about that bike. I never sold it and I still own it. And here it is.

(Back clothed assistant rolls the motorcycle through the portal and onto the stage.)

This is a Zundapp Citation cafe racer. It is emphatically not open to bid.

During my college years I pretty much got a minor in motorcycling. I began to learn about the amazing diversity and engineering found in motorcycles from around the world and throughout the Decades of the 20th century. I began to collect parts and ideas. I corresponded frequently with shops and sources in Germany England and Switzerland. And America too.

I grew ideas, connections and big future plans. I became a motorcycle journalist and,  before long, moved to California from Massachusetts. While I was there I begin to build one of the motorcycles you see here.

But then life happened. I learned my father was dying of cancer.  I came back east to spend one final year with him. I changed careers and worked in high technology. During the big 80s as they called it, I designed and general contracted my own home. I wrote and published a book on aviation history. And I got married and then later, divorced. Not much time for motorcycles.

Then in 2014, like father like son. I received the six-letter diagnosis that no one wants to hear. Cancer. And it was a doozy of a case. My oncologist confided to her friend that she thought I had maybe five months. And after listening to her description of my affliction I took out a sheet of paper and figured out there were nine people in the entire world that had exactly my disease.

But in the immortal infomercial words, there's more. Because each of these bikes was inspired by a precursor.  Think, like godfather like son. You've seen the sons. Now here are the fathers. Sharks please take the rope in your right hand and lower it.

( Sharks all pull the right rope to lift the drape covering each object to the right unveil a motorcycle and gasp collectively. Some are heard to exclaim: what the heck, oh my God, and wow.)

The five godfathers are:

1973 Harley Super Glide

Godet Black Lightning 

Original Feuling W3

Zundapp Citation restoration 

Original Horex lmperator

Sharks, I now open the bidding. Take one, more or all home to your man or lady cave. Put them on display, mount them on your mantel, or protect them under glass.  Because, make no mistake, these are 21 century objects d'art. They have been built as fully functional machines. But putting them on the road would be like using a Rodin sculpture as a door stop.

May the bidding begin!