Here's Johnny…

As you can see, we've taken our set out on the road. We're broadcasting from breezy and dusty.Outer Mongolia -- where self-isolation is a major export.

(Audience: so how deserted is it Johnny?)

I  am glad you asked. It is so extreme that that  the official population density is  point 005 humans per square mile. That's somewhere between a fart and a big toenail clipping. They had a staff of one to do the annual census. But she died from loneliness. The stock market traded a share the other day. First time in five  years. Sandstorms and tumbleweeds outnumber humans by twenty to one.

But things are pretty busy here. The local sheriff's department is on a tear. Yesterday they arrested a sheep herd, a beehive and an ant farm for failure to socially distance. Then today it was announced that the Lone Ranger and Tonto are making a reappearance. They've been hired as spokes maskers.

But I have an admission to make. I'm actually in heaven and I'm just channeling Outer Mongolia. That's because it's not very interesting here in side the Gates -- Pearly. Bill or whathaveyou. All the angels are running around antibody positive and saying, neener neener we got the virus and we can't get it again. It's pretty safe in Outer Mongolia. With so few humans you can't catch a cold or a virus. You can't even catch a taxi or hell if you are bad. It is pretty much crime, lime and grime free.

The food supply here is pretty sketchy. It's mostly Yak butter and glacial runoff.  But I guess that beats  what Americans are eating these days.  I hear that instacart and Amazon are doing a big business in growlux bulbs and Tide with bleach alternative pods. They say that's a good way to cure Coronavirus . People are popping them like Tic Tacs.

There's no debate here about opening the country here either. What can you open that you never heard of? I mean, the capital, Ulan Bator is running neck and neck with Burkina Faso in the worldwide weird place names derby.