Sunday, December 7, 2014

Top ten things you should know about Barack Obama

10. In a former life he was lead singer for the Christian vocal group Barack, Meshach, and Abednego

9. He goes to hospitals for sore throats. Especially his.

8. He is badly in need of some Grecian Formula 16.

7. His dad herded goats. The son tries the same. With Congress.

6. He did not use the Bill Clinton marijuana smoking method.

5. He is an omnivore. And how. Dog, grasshopper and snake in Indonesia

4, He opposed the merger of Oklahoma and Alabama into a new state of Obama .

3, His dogs, Bo and Sunny, have never ridden on an auto roof rack.

2. He is not part of the Bush/Clinton presidential contender monopoly.

….

1. Never ever ever get between him and his Nicorettes

Saturday, December 6, 2014

The polio parable

The misty view through a half century of time obscures my memories. But, a few beacons remain. I was a just boy. And infantile paralysis -- poliomyelitis – reined as a scourge like no other. It rivaled today’s Alzheimer’s disease. It transformed summer into a time of fear. It made swimming pools anathema. No one was safe from an affliction that could strike, cobra-like, with devastating and deadly swiftness. No one was immune. No one could know whether they had just contracted a mere summer cold or the ominous onset of dreaded polio. It targeted little children, young adults in their prime, and yes the aged as well. A lucky few got injections of gamma globulin to safeguard them during the hazardous months of July and August. Stunning, heartbreaking images of people condemned to a lifetime in iron longs or crutches were emblazoned everywhere. The March of Dimes crusaded like a Labor Day Telethon every single day of the year – for years and years.

As a virologist, my father became engulfed in the state-of-the-art immunology of its day. For, he participated in the race to develop a safe and effective oral polio vaccine. It was a torturous, pressure-packed endeavor fraught with peril. For oral polio vaccine was, after all, the live virus itself, in attenuated form. Researchers and clinicians from competing factions alike struggled with things like reversion to virulence and the hazards of attenuation in monkey kidney tissue culture. Ten of millions of 1950s-era dollars were spent. Scientific reputations soared and crashed and soared again. And, patients in clinical trials did die.

In the end of course, a successful vaccine was developed. But it consumed vast amounts of time. Years and years stretched into decades. Human patience and initiative were stretched to the breaking point. Strain after strain after strain was isolated, tested, attenuated and then tested again. After all that effort, most were summarily abandoned as unsafe. And then, the entire process had to be started anew.

The team that included my father lost their battle. For it was the vaccine strains from a competing effort that ultimately garnered the first government license. But they won the war. For only my father’s team had devised the methodology to attenuate, to grow the vaccine -- safely -- in ordinary chicken eggs. And hence only they could mass produce it.

It had been a lengthy, arduous and painstaking process. But now came the rewards. Now, the victor had to come, hat in hand, to the vanquished. And surrender a large hoard of their spoils to get the vaccine made in volume.

The costs my father personally bore did not escape me, young as I was. He was absent for months at a time for clinical trials in far-off lands. Which did not always go well. The pressure, the perils, the politics all took their toll. I saw his vigorous, vibrant and sunny disposition eclipsed by a sometimes stormy, distant and sullen demeanor. My father died later – now long ago – in some ways a man spent and made gray before his full time.

And so now we come to the case of Elan. And Alzheimer’s disease.

Now I am a man not even remotely close to my father. For I am a lowly, merely, retired writer. Toiling on an anonymous message board. He was a world class virologist. He truly contributed to the advancement of science. I only dare speak of it.

But even I can grasp the haunting parallels from the days of my father. I see the devastation with no effective treatment. I can sense Elan scientists and immunologists and clinicians slowly, steadily, methodically progressing against it. It has taken years and years. Yes, there have been setbacks. And yes, patients in clinical trials have died. Even so, years ago I decided to make the biggest commitment I have ever made in my life. I took the largest position I dared in Elan, during its darkest days. And have held on like a terrier to a rat. Like lag bolt in southern yellow pine. Like solsticial sun over the Sahara.

Because I believed. Because, somehow, I knew.

Because others – hugely more knowledgeable and intelligent than I – gave unselfish, unstinting, sound and sagacious counsel to bolster me. Because a community of people cared not only about making money in the stock market, but also cared about pure science, about humans can help each other, about how illness can be conquered.

And now finally the uncertainty has cleared. We stand at the clinically-demonstrated cusp of at least one -- and likely more -- immunological treatments that can alter the course of Alzheimer’s disease -- for the first time. We can now look forward to day when such treatments will be administered -- prophylactically – preventatively -- to otherwise healthy persons. Who have been genetically identified at increased risk for the disease. We can hope for immunology that forestalls, that blunts, a devastating and deadly scourge as surely as Elan’s Tysabri treats multiple sclerosis – as surely as the oral polio vaccine did a half century ago.

Maybe it is only just my imagination, but somehow I see my father - once again as sunny and vigorous and vibrant as he was in his prime. And from above he is looking down on me and saying..

…well done, my son….well done.

And so in turn I say to you all, on this mortal earth, from the bottom of my heart…

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

June 2008

Top ten Octogenarian taunts and retorts

You were born before the age of electronics.
You were born before the age of anesthetic.

Better no hair than blue hair.
Better peach fuzz than billiard ball.

Your memory is toast.
Your memory is burnt toast.

My cane is faster than your walker
My chair lift is fast than your stair climber.

You still read books.
You still fetch water.

You are on dialysis.
You are on psychoactive drugs.

You take your teeth out at night.
You put your hair on in the morning.

Your mother wore combat boots.
Your mother wore a chastity belt

You shouldn’t drive a car.
You shouldn’t make toast.

….and……

You need blue pills to perform.
You need a ventilator to breathe.


Thursday, December 4, 2014

Great Talladega Road Race

C     Em        Bb   F
Daybreak      sunshine

       Ab        C              G             C
We gotta be gone by a quarter to nine

       C               Em       Bb      F
The bikes in the van are fully gassed

Ab     C              G          Am        Ab   F     C
Safety wired and ready to last



     Am                     Fmaj7
A hundred ten miles in the hot southern sun

     D7                             G7
The Talladega National has got to be won



C                    Em     Bb         F
Some how our ardor wasn't the same

                Ab            C               G               Am        Ab   F     C
When the green Kawasaki went down in flames

     Am                     Fmaj7
It all appears as an insane dream

          D7                     G7
What we will do to our pretty machines



        C         Em      Bb          F
The race is over the sun goes down

       Ab        C                      G             C
We close our doors and are northward bound

          C      Em    Bb           F
Somebody asks as the night falls

Ab                  C                G              Am        Ab   F     C
Who won the marbles; we can't really recall


 Am                     Fmaj7
A hundred ten miles in the hot southern sun

     D7                             G7
The Talladega National has got to be won

C     Em        Bb   F
Daybreak      sunshine

       Ab        C              G             C
Onto the next race at a quarter to nine

-- 1967



Rock star

           A                    G          D            C   A
So you think that your life as a rock star is a lonely one

           A                    G           D              C   A
'Cos your search to play what's in your mind is never done

            F                    Bb                   C         D         A
Come day when you'll realize, there's millions just like you

     A                B4    C                     D                      A
In quiet desperation, waitin' for their dreams to come true


         A                    G          D            C   A
As along distance trucker you sure put in some lonely miles

       A                    G           D              C   A
Tons of overcooked coffee and whitetops between friendly smiles

            F                    Bb                   C         D         A
Come day when you'll realize, there's millions just like you

     A                B4    C                     D                      A
In quiet desperation, waitin' for their dreams to come true


           A                    G          D            C        A
On the line making cars in Motown ain't an easy score

           A                    G           D              C        A
When you think you're done, look up to see how many more

            F                    Bb                   C         D         A
Come day when you'll realize, there's millions just like you

     A                B4    C                     D                      A
In quiet desperation, wonderin if their dreams will come true


C      B7         A






Amarillo in Late October

Am              D
Amarillo in Late October

C                 E7
Passin' through on my way back home

Am              F
Skies so bright they look like day glow

C                 E7
Sunlight sparking in my chrome

Dmaj7                     E
[Oh how  I miss  the rain

Dmaj7                   C# maj7           E
Autumn leaves will surely ease my pain...]

Am              D
Heading home from California

C                 E7
Never could find any peace

Am              F
Pretty girl she's waiting for me

C                 E7
Back there in the East

Dmaj7                     E
[Oh how  I miss  the rain

Dmaj7                   C# maj7           E
Autumn leaves will surely ease my pain...]

-- 1973



Top Ten ways to lose weight when traveling

10. Fly coach. No meal. No real food at all. A teeny snack suitable for a …deermouse.

9. Buy exorbitant concourse food. You’ll only be able to afford a single ritz cracker

8. Fly coach. The claustrophobic cabin will surely kibosh your appetite.

7. Fly coach. The sardine cramped seating will motivate you to make your body smaller.

6. Fly coach. Lugging around your nine-ton (but free of charge) carry-on bag consumes kilo-calories.

5. Avoid non-stop. You’ll get joyous exercise running the interminable terminal to make your connecting flight.

4. Seek out peak travel times. The endless delays will aid calorie-burning teeth gnashing and thumb-twiddling

3. Try a budget motel. The nauseating stench of dirty carpet will do wonders for your planned bulimia

2. Go with the bottom rate rental car. Great mileage . But you have to pedal. Think, exercise bike.

And (drum roll please)

1.Navigate the bewildering airport road maze without GPS. Furious map page flipping burns tons of calories