Snow bound before Thanksgiving? Twelve ways to cope…

12. Call in a rocksalt –tipped incendiary cruise missile attack

11. Console yourself by thinking “ What a relief -- all this could have been rain”

10. Turn up the heat. Open garage doors. Hope that melts it all

9. Fuel your aging snowblower with hydrazine, crystal meth and Cialis

8. Install tire chains and skis on your Harley

7. Break out your canned tuna fish hoard. Stay home until next July 4th

6. Repeal Gravity. Dispatch the floating flakes with a leaf blower

5. Give your chipmunk army spoons. Tell em peanuts are down at the road

4. Sin . Die. Go to Hell. Take entire town with you

3. Open ski run . Charge admission

2. Build a black hole from plans on the internet. Suck everything out of reality….

And….

1.  Foment a wild turkey stampede down your driveway