Antonym rights rant

Why is there port wine but no starboard wine?

Why are there civil rights but no civil lefts?

Why was there an Oldsmobile but no News mobile?

Why are there newspapers but no olds papers?

Why are there leftovers but no right overs?

Why are there niceties but no meanities ?

Why are there Dry Goods but no dry bad's?

Why are there rich foods but not poor poods?

Why does a robber remain at large but not at small?

Why is it a good looking person beautiful, but an ugly person not Beauty empty?

Why do children not grow up into adultren?

Why do animals play dead but not work dead?

Philco predicta. What did Nostradamus have for a TV? 

Hail hail the gang's all here. What did one festive ice ball say to another?

 Donald Trump. Who should go back to manufacturing playing cards?

Donald Duck. What did you say when someone took a potshot at the Pres?

Musical chairs. What do orchestras sit on?

20th Century Fox. What do you call a rather old vixen?

Proboscis monkey. What was Jimmy durante's great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great  grandfather?

Summer squash. What do you get  when June July and August get run over?

Cherry tomato. What fruit has an identity crisis?

Pig pen. What writing instrument has an identity crisis?

Sinbad the Sailor. Who was too often wrongly accused?

City and eastern. What should they call rap music?

Trade Wars. What happens when you barter Crimean for civil?

Def Leppard. What big cat forgot to wear hearing protection?

Chinese checkers. Who are Oriental and do quality control?

Caine Mutiny. What happens when sugar got rebellious?

A: A barrel of monkeys 

Q: What did Peta file suit over 

A: Brexit 

Q: what happened when you had to leave brunch in a hurry 

A: Bow Wow 

Q: what happened when the Starlet flashed the.queen

A: making hay while the sun shines

Q: describe the new legal pot industry 

A: Foreigner 

Q:what rock group never played the song we're an American band 

A: Neuritis and neuralgia

Q: What was the duo Rock Duo that sang about pain in my heart

A: The playgrounds fine and it's all mine

Q : what did the Young Donald Trump say 

Heaven Sent. What aftershave does God wear

Bada bing. What's the search engine for strip clubs

Paradox. What did the twin oncologists call their practice?

Bureau drawer. What does the FBI call their best sketch artist?

Paintball. Where did Sherwin Williams dance with Benjamin Moore?

Cardiologist. Who specializes in ill polker decks?

Trial balloon. What did they bring to Clarence Darrow's birthday party?

Fortune cookie. What's in oreo iced with gold leaf called?

Mile high club. What did Motel on the mountain change its name to?

Medicare. What isn't medical and doesn't care?

Screen time. What does the porch installer bill for?

Finagle a Bagel. What did the muffin man's evil twin do?

Filing cabinets. What does a woodworker spend a lot of time doing?

2nd down. What's a goose grow after being shaved?

Overdue bill. What did the duck send the tardy woodpecker?

Bird of prey. What did the minister call his pet falcon?

Stephen Hawking. What did the cosmologist call his pet falcon?

Hate crime. What does every good cop do?

Insomnia in Indianapolis. What did they first call Sleepless in Seattle?

Don't bolt your food. What did Mama lightning tell its hungry son?

The devil and the deep blue sea. Who quickly ended up in divorce court?

Friends in high places. Who were Edmund Hillary and Tenzing Norgay?

Low blow. What happened when  the hurricane went into Death Valley?

Money doesn't grow on trees. What did the botanist tell the currency Trader?

Board of directors. What do sometimes impatient Hollywood starlets get?

High crimes and misdemeanors. What happened when the crooks climbed Mount Everest?

Crime wave. What happened when the crooks surfed at Oahu?

Penny Lane. What's not exactly paved in gold?

Dirty copper. What happened when the plumbing supply got flooded?

Plumbob. What do you get when you cross a fruit and a home improvement Guru?

Tall tale. What does a giraffe have?

Heptane Highway. What was the first name of Gasoline Alley?

96 Tears. What did the numerologist crocodile shed?

Zebra. What is the mother of all cup sizes?

Crime and punishment and love and marriage. What are pretty much the same thing?

Quickie divorce. What do lawyers often have nightmares about?

Eyeball. Where did Foster Grant dance with Bausch & Lomb?

Mark, Cuban. What do you tell Fidel Castro to do with his highlighter?

Wool over your eyes. What do you grow if you want impersonate Groucho Marx?

Boll weevils. Who came up with the name cotton candy?

Strip mine. What's the new chain of gentlemens clubs in West Virginia?

Mountain lion. What did you think when Pikes Peak told a fib?

House of the Rising Sun. Where did Jesus go to buy his return ticket to heaven?

Arabian Nights. How did King Arthur's Round Table demonstrate diversity?

40 days and 40 nights. Describe Mickey Rooney's longest marriage?

Leper colony. Where do sick frogs go?

Quaalude. What's the stage name of the parakeet pornstar?

Jam session. What did the marmalade, the preserve and the jelly jar sit in on?

The Spruce Goose. What happens when pine trees get frisky?

Bar exam. What did the Lush pass with flying colors?

What's the name of the bird mobster? Robin Hood.

Corn Maize and water fountain. What did the tautologist have in his backyard?

Polka dot. What was dancing Dorothy's nickname?

1941 Willys. Who attended the big Bill convention?

Stop watch. What did you Proclaim as your Rolex ran away?

President's cabinet. Where does Trump 

Store his Jack Daniels?

Hush money. What do you say when your wad of fifties talks too much?

Lifeguard. What do you get when you cross breakfast cereal and underarm deodorant?

Banana peel. What did you tell The Reluctant fruit stripper to do?

FaceTime. What does the cosmetologist bill for?

Sox appeal. What made the stocking fall in love with a legging?

Fortune cookie. What's the only thing that Trump knows how to bake?

Spy glasses. What did the optometrist prescribe to mata hari?

Cubicle. Where was Picasso born and brought up?

A: Idlewild 

Q: What do you call an untamed slacker?

A: Dulcimer 

Q: What's the most boring musical instrument? 

A: Sausalito 

Q: What's the new brand of tiny cocktail weiners?

A: Marinade

Q: What's the hot new drink in Sausalito? 

A: Battering ram 

Q: What's the first step to making deep fried mutton?

A: Cool Hand Luke

Q: Which of Jesus's disciples lived in Siberia

A: Horn of Plenty

Q: What happens when you cross cornucopia with smorgasbord

A: Bugs Bunny

Q: What did Oswald the Rabbit call his tick infested cousin?

A: Hail to the Chief 

Q: What did the Ice Company try to deliver to Donald Trump?

A: Plastic surgery 

Q: What did the injured Tupperware need?

A:  Soap opera 

Q:  What starred Tide, Wisk and Fels-Naptha?

A: Horse latitudes 

Q:  Where should the Kentucky Derby move to?

A:  Stink up the house

Q:  What did the flatulent carpenter do?

 A:  Something's rotten in the state of Denmark

Q: What did the very queasy Viking proclaim?

Q:  Fast food. 

A: What did Campbell Soup call its new race car?

 

 

A:  Alphabet soup. 

Q: What's the new chain of casual dining libraries?

A:  Electric chair. 

Q:  What does Elon Musk call his new line of furniture?

A:  Phlebitis

Q:  What involves neither a flea nor bite?

A: War Games. Health Care. Still rivers run deep. Rodeo Drive.

Q:  Describe four Oxymorons

A: IHop. 

Q:  Where can you get rabbit stew and Kangaroo steak?

A:  Traffic jam

Q:  What do you spread on highway toast?

A:  Cubism

Q: What do you get when you combine geometry and religion?

A: A fine line

Q: What was Jackson Pollock never accused of drawing?

A: Here's Johnny

Q: What do you say when you introduce your new bathroom?

A: Heat Wave. 

Q: How does an oven greet a fireplace?

A: Wire Haired Terrier. 

Q: What's the new mascot for Brillo soap pads?

A: Peppermint. 

Q: What do you get when you cross a spice with an herb ?

A: Retraction 

Q: What do seat belts and sloppy journalists have in common ?

A:  Kool Aide 

Q; What was the benefit held for sick air conditioners? 

A: Grease monkey 

Q: Who's the official mascot of Jiffy Lube?

A: Airedale 

Q: What did Chuck Yeager name his dog?

A: Hirsute 

Q: What did the mannish woman like to wear?

A: Doctor Quack 

Q: What's the new chain of duck veterinarians?  

A: Quark

Q: What do you get when you cross a dog with a duck?

A: Rainbow 

Q: What do you wrap a gift of sping water with? 

A: House of Cards

Q: Where do old comedians go?

A: Poison pen letter 

Q: What's written in strychnine ink?

A: Dawn breaks

Q: What's the opposite of night falls

A: Knight falls 

Q: What'd you say when Gladys stumbled ?

A: Fake news

Q: What's printed with disappearing ink?

A: Ball and chains 

Q: What's the new sport for convicts?

 A : Deadline 

Q: What's the name of the pencil cemetery? 

A: Flying carpet 

Q: What are Trump's plans for a revamped Air Force One? 

A: Root beer 

Q: Why did the mole join AA?

A: Here today, gone tomorrow 

Q: What's the mission statement of Fly-by-night Industries? 

 A: Car 54 Where Are You

Q: What did an anxious  Preston Tucker 

say ?

A: Bats in the belfry

Q: What was the Yankee equipment manager's ransom plan?

A: Hashtag 

Q: What's the game shredded potatoes and meat patties play?

A: Witch Hunt 

Q: Describe the broom factory's marketing plan.

A: Carson 

Q: What was Plan B for the name of the Edsel?

A: Orange Julius 

Q: What happened when Caesar over did the tanning butter?