A bad marriage is like….

-- scuba diving on a coral reef. With no oxygen

-- strolling on a primrose path. At the South Pole

-- voyaging to Europe. By swimming.

-- diving into an Olympic pool. At the wading end.

-- chocolate cordials. Filled with gasoline.

-- Paris in the Spring. After a dirty bomb hit

-- sunning yourself. On the planet Mercury.

-- a cashmere sweater. That moths have discovered

-- balsamic vinegar. That you originally bought as wine

-- Nantucket. In August, just after the ferry arrives.

-- dear family. The Addams Family

-- home sweet home. A Rest Home. Staffed by sadists

-- modern conveniences. When power is out

-- dining at the Ritz. On just Ritz crackers

-- Continental breakfast. When you are incontinent.

-- an astrological sign. Cancer

-- eating Fugu. Prepped by an apprentice